Picture this: It’s 7:30 AM, and your to-do list already feels longer than your arm. You’re juggling a demanding job, school drop-offs, a husband who can’t find matching socks, and a nagging feeling that you forgot something crucial. Sound familiar? If a wave of overwhelm just washed over you simply reading that, you’re definitely not alone.

Being a woman in today’s world often feels like a never-ending balancing act. We’re expected to excel in our careers, nurture our families, maintain a spotless home (or at least hide the mess when someone comes over), and somehow still have time for perfectly filtered Instagram-worthy moments of self-care. It’s exhausting, and honestly, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. In fact, it’s completely normal.

But what really adds insult to injury is when you finally confide in someone about feeling this way, and they offer the oh-so-helpful advice, “Don’t worry, you’re just growing!” OMG, I am going to scream! In that moment, growing feels a lot like drowning, and the last thing you need is someone minimizing your experience with a cliché.

The “You’re Growing” Myth

Let’s be honest, “you’re just growing” is often code for “I don’t really understand what you’re going through, but I’m trying to say something vaguely positive.” While well-intentioned, it can feel incredibly dismissive. It’s like saying, “Oh, you’re drowning? Don’t worry, you’re just learning to swim!” Not exactly helpful when you’re gasping for air.

Here’s why that phrase can make us want to scream into a pillow (or throw things):

• It minimizes our struggle. Feeling overwhelmed is tough. It can involve anxiety, exhaustion, and a sense of being completely out of control. When someone tells us we’re “just growing,” it can feel like they’re brushing aside those very real emotions.
• It implies that we should just suck it up. The underlying message seems to be that overwhelm is just a natural part of “growing” and that we should just grin and bear it. This can be especially frustrating when we’re already pushing ourselves to the limit.
• It makes us feel misunderstood. It’s like the person offering this advice hasn’t truly listened to our concerns or grasped the depth of our experience. This can leave us feeling isolated and alone in our struggle.

So, the next time you’re tempted to offer this “helpful” tidbit to a friend who’s feeling overwhelmed, maybe just offer a hug, a listening ear, or a giant slice of chocolate cake instead. Trust me, it will be much more appreciated.

The Roots of Overwhelm

So, where exactly does this feeling of “I’m about to lose it!” come from? Well, it’s rarely just one thing. It’s more like a perfect storm of factors that collide to create the ultimate overwhelm experience.

Here are a few of the usual suspects:

• Societal Pressure Cooker: Let’s face it, women are often expected to be superheroes. We’re supposed to be the perfect mothers, successful career women, supportive partners, and social butterflies, all while maintaining a picture-perfect life (thanks, Instagram). It’s no wonder we feel like we’re constantly falling short.
• The “Yes” Trap: Many of us are conditioned to be people-pleasers, which can lead to us taking on way too much. We say “yes” to every request, volunteer for every committee, and overcommit ourselves to the point of exhaustion.
• Perfectionism’s Grip: That inner voice that whispers, “It’s not good enough,” can be a major contributor to overwhelm. We strive for perfection in every area of our lives, setting unrealistic standards that are impossible to meet.
• Boundary Breakdown: Setting boundaries can be tough, especially when we’re worried about disappointing others. But without clear boundaries, people can easily take advantage of our time and energy, leaving us feeling depleted.
• Self-Care Sabotage: When we’re constantly putting everyone else’s needs first, self-care often falls by the wayside. See my previous blog post: Self-Care: Not Just for When the Dishes Are Done, for tips on this subject. We sacrifice sleep, healthy meals, and relaxation time, which leaves us feeling even more stressed and overwhelmed.

Recognizing these root causes is the first step to tackling overwhelm. It’s about understanding why you feel the way you do and then taking steps to address those underlying issues.

In the Moment Strategies

Alright, let’s get real. Sometimes overwhelm hits you like a tidal wave, and you’re drowning in a sea of to-dos, responsibilities, and anxieties. In those moments when you just want to scream (and maybe even pull your hair out), try these in-the-moment strategies:

• Breathe It Out: Seriously, it sounds cliché, but deep breathing works wonders. Close your eyes, inhale slowly through your nose, and exhale slowly from your mouth. Repeat until the urge to throw your laptop out the window subsides.
• Mindfulness Minute: Take a break from the chaos and tune into your senses. What do you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel? Focusing on the present moment can help you detach from the swirling thoughts in your head.
• Escape Route: Step away from whatever is triggering the overwhelm, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Go for a walk, listen to music, or do something that brings you joy. Sometimes a change of scenery is all you need to reset.
• Move Your Body: Physical activity is a fantastic stress reliever. Go for a run, dance around your living room, or do some yoga. Getting your blood flowing can help clear your head and release pent-up tension.
• Expressive Outlet: Journaling, drawing, or engaging in any form of creative expression can help you process your emotions and gain a new perspective. Sometimes just getting those feelings out on paper (or canvas) can make a huge difference.

Remember, these strategies are about finding what works best for you. Experiment and see which techniques help you regain your calm in those overwhelming moments.

Warding Off Overwhelm

Putting out fires is essential when you’re in the throes of overwhelm, but wouldn’t it be amazing to prevent those fires in the first place? While we can’t always avoid stressful situations, we can definitely take steps to make them less, well, overwhelming.

Here’s how:

• Expectation Renovation: Let’s be real, we often set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. It’s time to ditch the Superwoman cape and embrace the idea of “good enough.” Prioritize what truly matters and let go of the need for perfection in every area.
• Boundary Boss: Learning to say “no” is a game-changer. It’s about protecting your time and energy by setting clear boundaries with others. Start small, and don’t be afraid to politely decline requests that don’t align with your priorities.
• Prioritization Power: Not all tasks are created equal. Learn to prioritize the most important ones and delegate or eliminate the rest. Tools like to-do lists, calendars, and time-blocking techniques can help you stay organized and focused.
• Self-Compassion Queen: Be kind to yourself! Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer a friend. Practice self-care, celebrate your accomplishments, and forgive yourself for your mistakes.
• Support Squad: Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Lean on your friends, family, or a therapist for support. Sometimes just talking things out can make a world of difference.
• Time Management Triumph: Mastering time management skills can significantly reduce overwhelm. Explore different techniques like the Pomodoro Technique, Eisenhower Matrix, or Getting Things Done (GTD) method to find what works best for you.

Remember, warding off overwhelm is an ongoing process, not a destination. It takes time and practice to develop these habits, but the payoff is worth it. You deserve a life that feels less chaotic and more fulfilling.

Finding Your Calm in the Chaos

Feeling overwhelmed is an all-too-common experience for busy women, but it doesn’t have to rule your life. Remember, it’s okay to acknowledge those feelings, to scream into a pillow if you need to, and to reject the notion that you should just “grin and bear it” because “you’re growing.”

You are not alone in this journey. By understanding the roots of overwhelm and implementing the strategies we’ve discussed, you can reclaim your sense of calm amidst the chaos. Start small, be kind to yourself, and celebrate every victory along the way.

You deserve to feel empowered, balanced, and in control of your own life. Now go out there and conquer the world (or at least tackle that to-do list with a renewed sense of energy).